Life-threatening events, physical and emotional abuse, sexual assault and abandonment can ravage human self-worth. Among the many possible reasons for this:
- People feel naive and unintelligent because they didn’t recognize warning signs of danger
- When they reported the abuses or atrocities they endured, they were met with disbelief and/or insensitivity
- Individuals are embarrassed about how they responded to the traumas as they were unfolding (i.e., Why did I run? I should’ve stayed and fought!)
- They blame themselves for the uncontrollable consequences-the flashbacks, excessive stress responses, irritability and panic attacks which other people tell them that they “should be done with by now”
- They’ve convinced themselves that they somehow deserve the dysfunctions which alter their lives
What is Self-Worth?
Before going on, let’s consider what “self-worth” is. The Oxford Learner’s Dictionaries defines the term as “a feeling of confidence in yourself that you are a good and useful person.” Merriam-Webster describes it as “a sense of one’s own value as a human being: self-esteem.” Considering how much human behavior is influenced by what people believe about themselves, these seem to fall short. Thankfully, in his book, The Road Less Traveled, author M. Scott Peck, M.D., distills the topic down to a level which not only establishes reasonable parameters but which also promotes exploration of its intersection with trauma.
In his work, Dr. Peck outlined what he considered to be the characteristics of self-worth. When applied to trauma, his paradigm seems to explain how easily people “get stuck” in the cycle of suffering and frequently set themselves up for new pains. While drawing from his extensive experience in psychiatry and clinical counseling, the author suggested the following attributes (which I’ve correlated to trauma):
- The ability to delay gratification. This posits that individuals who value themselves generally value their time. As such, they prioritize obligations over desires, like doing chores before binging watching Netflix. Doing so enables them to reap the rewards of discipline and to avoid guilt. For survivors of trauma, alterations in their quality of life (new onsets of depression, worry, physical pain) can compromise this ability, leading to questionable judgment. Thoughts like, “After all I’m going through, I deserve to enjoy myself. I’d better grab pleasure while I can” frequently lure them into escaping from responsibilities.
- Acceptance of responsibility. This doesn’t necessarily mean taking blame for what caused the trauma. It does, however, suggest that the way victims choose to deal with the aftermath impacts how they feel about themselves. Drug and alcohol abuse, manipulation, distrust and isolation: In relation to the crises people have typically encountered, these responses may seem justifiable. Sadly, they still corrode self-esteem. Jobs are lost; reputations are damaged; relationships end. The ensuing poverty, loneliness, and shame can fuel feelings of inadequacy and despair.
- Commitment to reality: Understanding the concept that “feelings aren’t necessarily facts” is a cornerstone of mental health. Among its many benefits, it allows human beings to function capably despite their fears. Trauma undermines this ability; it causes people to rely excessively on their survival instincts, even in situations where no palpable threat exists. While guarding against new dangers, they often react to impulses rather than assessing facts, which spawns panic and emotional outbursts. Self-worth is damaged when friends, coworkers, and family members interpret their trauma as “drama.” Criticisms, rejection, and marginalization typically follow.
- The ability to maintain balance: Although this generally encompasses each of the aforementioned facets, for survivors of trauma it usually requires an extra step: intensive counseling. Though it may seem cruel that recovery hinges upon victims’ willingness to re-expose themselves to the inciting torment, failure to do so typically prolongs suffering (e.g., further detachment from society, accelerated loss of self-respect). Conversely, professionally-guided introspection can empower these same individuals to take actions which positively transform their lives. As such, they declare the worth that they place in themselves.
Greater Implications
I don’t suggest that Dr. Peck’s schema is universal or that my correlation of it to trauma is absolute. Indeed, these complex propositions beg personal interpretation. This is especially true when considering the gravity trauma adds to pre-existing conditions, like personality disorders and bipolar/unipolar depression. But if the author’s work can help us to understand how the changes in self-perception that are prompted by trauma can lead victims to subsequently commit suicides, murders, or acts of terrorism, isn’t it worth investigating?
References
https://www.oxfordlearnersdictionaries.com/definition/english/self-worth
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/self-worth
Peck, M.S., (1978). The Road Less Traveled. New York, NY: Touchstone
Pixabay, Image by Myshoun, user_id:11748683